and this little piggie went "waa waa waa" all the way home

it is monday morning, june 11, 2007. 7.42 am, paris time. i am preparing to leave my apartment in a few hours to catch the RER to the airport, and a flight back to Atlanta. i saw becca off this morning, she left the house at 6 to fly standby on one of two delta flights.

so here i sit, making sure my bags are packed and the weight is mostly evenly distributed. i've got to drop off my friend's bike, give back my phone to the friend who lent it, change my euros to dollars. and though these errands are all very much associated with leaving France, i still don't quite feel like that's what i'm about to do. i haven't really had time to process this transition---with my 3 weeks back in paris after china i have been busy trying to see people and things in paris, and especially the last 10 days with becca here, i haven't been able to give this big event much thought. i hope i will take the time back in the states, or maybe even on the plane, to start to decipher or unravel my year here in Paris. i will ask lots of questions, and try to understand the ups and downs, positives and negatives of my year abroad. what lessons have i learned? how do i know myself better? which experiences have impacted me most??

i must confess that already the fall seems like a blur or a distant memory. that i hardly remember what it felt like to be without an apartment for those first 6 weeks. and while that and other experiences have been difficult, i'm certain i stand to learn much from them.

everyone has been asking me if i'm ready to leave, and in the end the answer is no. i usually tell them that i'm eager to go back to the states, to go back "home" per se, but that i'm not ready to leave france. and that's the truth. had i nothing at home to call me back, i.e. a job, family, friends(primarily the first, as i could stand living here and returning home to visit if i had a job in Paris), i would be glad to stay. i will miss france, french culture, french food, french formalities. i will not miss french bureaucracy or standing in lines in France. i will miss Paris specifically, being the city i love the most, with its parks and museums and restaurants and cafes and public transportation. hemingway and his "moveable feast" couldn't be more right.

i apologize for the disjointedness of my thoughts here, but understand the gravity of the situation and the fact that i haven't even begun to process the changes i've undergone and will continue to undergo. thanks for reading, i wish you all the best wherever you may be.